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Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

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Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by bench on Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:43 pm

Share your jokes here.

========

NO MORE ERAP JOKES; PACQUIAO NAMAN
------------ --------- --------- ----

Reporter: Noong nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know
…
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?
------------ --------- --------- --------

Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know
…
------------ --------- --------- ---

Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung

seeds.
------------ --------- --------- -
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu, anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin
… “MANKY”......
------------ --------- -----
Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?...gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na ako sa bote.
------------ --------- -----
Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo

pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

------------ --------- --------- -------
Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita
… ang dilim!!
------------ --------- --------- ------
Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!

------------ --------- --------- ----
Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang na pupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --

Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

------------ --------- --------- --------- --
Pacman: Judith! Judith! Judith! Judith!

Jinky: Manny, sino ba yan Judith na sinasabi mo?!?
Pacman: Eto oh, lahat ng bills natin malapit na Judith..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
Las Vegas
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!

------------ --------- --------- ----
Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

------------ --------- --------- ------
You is!' You is...! You is...!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika
…
Andito na ako sa
‘you is!’
------------ --------- --------- ----
Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay ....
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan, ... maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order!
------------ --------- --------- ----

Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating … ayun kadadaan lang
sa tabi ng ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST

PASSED AWAY

bench
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by mozzarella on Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:56 pm





"3 Hunters"



may 3 hunters na nahuli ng mga cannibals sa gubat.

dinala sila sa harap ng

tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo. nagmakaawa

yung mga hunters.

naawa naman yung chief.



Chief: sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa isang

kondisyon. kailangan

isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong prutas.

dalhin nyo iyon dito at

saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.




naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. unang

dumating si Pedro,

dala-dala'y 10 oranges.




Chief: ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na

iyan sa iyong puwet.

kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. konting

ngiwi o ngiti lang ay

pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.




unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napa-sigaw agad

si Pedro. agad

siyang pinugutan ng ulo. sunod na dumating ay si Juan,

dala-dala'y 10

lansones. tuwang-tuwa siya ng in-explain sa kanya nung

Chief kung ano ang

kailangan nyang gawin.




Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang

maliit na prutas ang

kino-lekta ko.




naipasok ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng

walang problema.

ngunit nung asa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang

napatawa. pugot-ulo

agad si Chief.




pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan

nakita niya si

Pedro. nagkausap ang dalawa.






Pedro: sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit

habang ginagawa mo yung

utos. isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! buhay

ka pa sana ngayon.

ano bang nangyari sayo?





Juan: pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga

lansones. kaso, nung

matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Jose --

may dala-dalang 10

langka!
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by bench on Mon Jul 26, 2010 5:04 pm

mozzarella wrote:





"3 Hunters"



may 3 hunters na nahuli ng mga cannibals sa gubat.

dinala sila sa harap ng

tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo. nagmakaawa

yung mga hunters.

naawa naman yung chief.



Chief: sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa isang

kondisyon. kailangan

isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong prutas.

dalhin nyo iyon dito at

saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.




naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. unang

dumating si Pedro,

dala-dala'y 10 oranges.




Chief: ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na

iyan sa iyong puwet.

kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. konting

ngiwi o ngiti lang ay

pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.




unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napa-sigaw agad

si Pedro. agad

siyang pinugutan ng ulo. sunod na dumating ay si Juan,

dala-dala'y 10

lansones. tuwang-tuwa siya ng in-explain sa kanya nung

Chief kung ano ang

kailangan nyang gawin.




Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang

maliit na prutas ang

kino-lekta ko.




naipasok ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng

walang problema.

ngunit nung asa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang

napatawa. pugot-ulo

agad si Chief.




pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan

nakita niya si

Pedro. nagkausap ang dalawa.






Pedro: sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit

habang ginagawa mo yung

utos. isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! buhay

ka pa sana ngayon.

ano bang nangyari sayo?





Juan: pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga

lansones. kaso, nung

matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Jose --

may dala-dalang 10

langka!





bench
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by harballah on Mon Jul 26, 2010 5:46 pm

Ayos ha!



Sayang wala akong naihandang joke brother bench.........iyon kay mozzarella ay nabasa ko na ang joke na iyan.

_________________


click me
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by miss_terry on Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:53 pm

Pamatay ang mga jokes ah.
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by fredms3 on Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:38 pm

Teacher:

Our topic today is about Zoology. Understand!

Class: Yes mam...

Teacher:

Anybody who can define Zoology?

Class:

Looking at different points....some in the desk, some in the ceilings, some to their classmate's hair etc. etc..

Teacher:

Anybody? (with a heavy voice somehow)

Student:

Mam (with some hesitation)

Teacher:

Ok good (carrying a smile in her face). So what can you say about Zoology?

Student:

Zoology...........is our topic today!



--- parang corny ah...

--- naintindihan mo ba ang joke?

--- hindi, di ako marunong magbasa eh.


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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by Comb@tron on Thu Jul 29, 2010 3:18 pm

pwede!
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by fredms3 on Thu Jul 29, 2010 3:58 pm

Comb@tron wrote:pwede!

Lolsss...pwede na ba yang Zoology ha Combat o baka iba ang sinasabi mong pwede.

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Dagohoy

Post by Esther on Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:26 pm

DAGOHOY. GOOD LUCK READING THIS.



ENJOY.





DAGOHOY



It was the first day of school in Washington , DC and a new student named Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino immigrant, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher began, "Let's review some American history, class. Who said Give me liberty or give me death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Dagohoy's who had his hand up,"Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good," said the teacher.

"Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, and for the people's hall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Dagohoy:

"Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg , 1863," he said.



The teacher snaps at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed, Dagohoy who is new to our country knows more about our history than you do"



She hears a loud whisper from the back: "Screw the Filipinos." "Who said that?" she demanded.

Dagohoy put his hand up. "General John Pershing, Manila , 1896."



At that point, Jack, another student says, "I'm going to puke."

The teacher glares and asks, "All right! Now who said that?"

Again Dagohoy answers, "George Bush, Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister during the state dinner, Tokyo , 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!! "Dagohoy jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his voice,

"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval Office,1997!!"

Someone shouts, "You little shit if you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Dagohoy yells, "Congressman Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, Washington , D.C. , 2001!"



The teacher faints. "I'm outta here!" mutters one student as he sidles to the door."President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City ,December 30, 2002!!" Dagohoy responds.

As the class gathers around her on the floor, someone says, "Oh shit,now we're really in big trouble!"

"Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Baghdad , May 2003!" Dagohoy bellowed.

"Now, I really have to run," Jack mutters, heading for the exit.,"Gloria Macapagal Arroyo again, Pampanga, October 4, 2003!!!"

Dagohoy shouts triumphantly jumping with glee.

Then a burly African-American boy grabbed Dagohoy and strangled him, about to give a fistful to a frightened Dagohoy.

Then an Asian boy stood up and shouted, "Hey easy on him. I'M A FILIPINO!"

Dagohoy then blurted out before he got socked out, "Fernando Poe, Jr. Manila , January 2004!!!"


_________________
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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by fredms3 on Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:09 pm

Esther, ang tindi naman nyang si Dagohoy...photographic memory ah

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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by Esther on Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:43 pm

fredms3 wrote:Esther, ang tindi naman nyang si Dagohoy...photographic memory ah

it was sent to me on an email luma na wala kasi akong joke. But I like the name Dagohoy ha ha

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{Esther 8:2} ...and she humbled her body with fasting, and all the aspects of her beauty, she covered with her torn hair.

Maria Clara blog a blog for gentle people : click ::::::>>> here

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Re: Jokes Naman Tayo - Pampa Relax

Post by miss_terry on Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:29 pm

Di ko kinaya yun ah. Haha
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